You were my Go-To girl

Dear Denise,

It’s been over six weeks since you passed, and I’m still struggling for the words… If you were here you’d tell me to get a grip, sit next to the keyboard & get my act together…If I didn’t have a keyboard you’d find one for me, failing that shove a pencil in my hand…

Miss you so much…

Or I could say I was waiting to write after all of your Emmy Award winning writer friends had added their thoughts… and used all the good stuff… You had amazing friends & I’m proud to be one of them. I’ll never forget your very last words to me – I had said my final goodbyes and you pulled me back, to tell me what an influence I was in your life… You were the totally giving person down to your last breath…

From kayaking on the Russian River to bicycling in the Netherlands, you were the inspiration that got us all going and brought us back. On stage, you were my Go-To Girl…Always ready to jump in to a performance with 200% life & energy.

Bottom line… We laughed…and laughed and laughed and laughed…! You discovered those precious gems of comedy in life and showed it to us every day…

You’ve been likened to Sophie Tucker / Jessica Rabbit - Lauren Bacall / Eve Arden…

(I always thought it was Terri Garr!)

But nothing compares to you…

Love from John Elk

Funny and Fearless

Like a lot of other people I first saw Denise at the Old Spaghetti Factory. I had performed at The Intersection, and instead of doing a set at The Coffee Gallery, which, to me, was akin to doing comedy in the lowest rung of Hell, I decided to take in the improv show. I normally was not that big a fan of improv, but Denise lit up the stage whenever she was on it. She was funny and fearless and not afraid to take comedic chances and she was the reason it turned out to be a very funny night. I was a fan of hers from that night on.

Offstage she had a great smile, was quick to laugh, and always made you fell welcome and special. She was thoughtful and kind and I miss her.

Bill Farley

Our Denise

Even though Denise was only 6 years younger than me, I was always Aunt Kathy. What a niece she was! I have always admired Denise's uninhibited style …her adventurous travel, acting, her love of the theater and books, hiking and exploring …going her own way in a fearless, confident manner.

Denise always made us feel better about ourselves because she made us feel comfortable and made us come out of our confines and enjoy her exuberant style. I remember she and Sharkey swimming in the Pacific when it was too cold for words. Celebrating Mother's Day, graduations, birthdays (or whatever was on the calendar) in her Mom's backyard …singing "you're the end of the rainbow"…Denise always making it a party. Denise dancing and laughing at Tesa and Jesse's wedding...throwing up her hands in surrender when she couldn't get the crowd to "get the beat". Traveling to North Dakota and Minnesota to visit relatives and fitting in like she had grown up there.

I have read the "to thy own self be true" motto that Denise lived by but she also encouraged us …no insisted that we do the same. She had a special sensitivity that made us feel free. She was such a loving daughter and so close to her Mom …our family was blessed with her love

Denise died way too young. We will miss and love her forever.
Kathy Furst

Magic Inside You

Dear Aunt Denise,

It’s been just over a month since you passed away. Sometimes I catch myself "forgetting" that you are gone though...I know, that seems so stupid.

I never thought that when I eventually get married, you wouldn’t be part of that day. I always knew that you would be there to calm my nerves and make me laugh through the tears that I will inevitably be shedding. Plus, you would most likely have found the most wonderful necklace or pair of earrings that would have been perfect for me.

I was so looking forward to seeing you with my children. You have magic inside of you. I really don’t know how else to explain what you are so able to express through your eyes, words, laugh and world famous hugs! Every day spent with you growing up was like summer vacation...and every kid knows how valuable summer vacation is! You never got tired of playing, you never made me feel like a child and you never ran out of fun! I pictured you with my own children and was so excited for the aunt they would be lucky enough to share with me.

I told mom the other day how sad I was for all the things that you aren’t going to be a part of, and she reminded me to think of all the things you were there to share with us. We always had so much anticipation for how you wrapped our gifts at Christmas! All the summers we spent in Yosemite, you never said no to hiking or swimming...no matter how cold the water in the river was.

I wish now I had taken you up on all the invitations you extended to stay with you in SF and that I had found a way to spend this past Christmas with the family. I knew that it could potentially be the last, but I’m not sure if I really believed that it would be.

You’re the most honest person I’ve ever known. Not only because you tell the truth, but because you have no reservations about telling people like it is. I’m having a hard time figuring some stuff out right now and I wish I could ask for your opinion. I may not necessarily like what you have to tell me, but I would know that it’s the truth and it’s coming from your heart.

There’s someone that I wish you could meet, but unfortunately the timing just didn’t work out right. I got really lucky this time around and I’m sad that you can’t tell me what you think.

More than anything, I want to be loved the way you were. A huge part of that was the result of all the love you gave. You knew what was truly important in life and it had nothing to do with possessions. Granted you knew a lot of the right people, but it was the experiences with those people that made up your life. It’s funny how you never shared with me who your neighbors in NYC were when you and Jim were sharing that apartment. But that’s because they were just people to you. Who they became was essentially irrelevant. That’s just the life you lived.

I was fortunate enough to call you my aunt. You were my mom’s baby sister. But I got so much more than just an amazing family member out of your presence in my life. I hope everyone has the opportunity to know someone like you at some point in their life...if even just for a day. I was lucky enough to get you for 31 years. My life has been blessed more each day that you were a part of it. And you didn’t even do anything special, you were just you. Thank you for all your love.

Anne-Marie

Missing My Sis

Well, it's been a month my dear sweet Denise and I still cannot believe you're not here anymore. I've been wanting to post something but can't seem to find the right words, but here goes.

Thank you for always being there for your family and others. Thank you for inspiring me to travel more......I'll never forget our trips to New Orleans and NYC (before the tragic events), our week long camping trips to Yosemite, talking me into hiking the Panoramic Trail(even though I thought I would have to be carried back to the campsite)!! Even though I was your "older sister" you were the one always so protective of me - I was afraid of everything.....YOU were afraid of nothing!!

You were a wonderful Sister, Daughter, Aunt, Niece, Friend who lived to make others happy. I will forever and always miss my sis.

Jeneine

A precious gem in our family

She was a shining example of how we should all treat each other. Always the gracious hostess, whether at work or at home. Denise would try to make everyone's dreams come true. And she did for herself and Joe, as well as anyone else who happened to come into her life.

We joined Joe & Denise in NYC for a few days one time. Since we are frequent visitors to NYC, Cholly & I looked forward to it. However, in all the years that we had been going to that wonderful city,(we spent our honeymoon there 40 years ago) we never saw or experienced as much as we did with Denise as our tour guide. She walked our tootsies off. In fact, I had to buy a better pair of walking shoes while we were there. Denise paid for them before I had a chance to. When I told her that I had never been to the top of the Empire State Bldg., she surprized me by putting it on the agenda for the next day.

Even as she lay dying, she wanted to make sure everyone was taken care of....her hospital bed was in front of their Murphy bed in the apartment. When we all arrived in San Fran a few weeks before she died, she wanted Joe to take the hospital bed down so that we could use the Murphy bed instead of staying in a hotel. She never stopped being concerned about others.

I guess the best way to sum up Denise in our lives, is to say that she made everyone feel so special. Goodbye Denise....we love you....and thanks for the memories.

Always in our thoughts,
Cholly and Bridget

Absolutely delighted in making others happy

And you wait, keep waiting for that one thing
which would infinitely enrich your life:
the powerful, uniquely uncommon,
the awakening of dormant stones,
depths that would reveal you to yourself.
. . . Ranier Maria Rilke

Denise was that person who enriched your life. Once loved, always loved. We were sisters-in-law only briefly, but remained friends and the times that we did share I will always treasure. I enjoyed hearing her deep, husky voice laugh with her quick and sardonic wit; my mind didn’t work that fast so I just listened most of the time! My daughter Leia loved her presents… wonderfully creative and ingenious wrapping that always revealed an original, eclectic, unique "only from Aunt Denise" gift inside.

Several years ago I was in the city and Denise took me to lunch. We sat in this open air restaurant and she excitedly told me about plans to send her mom on a cruise. She was so giving and absolutely delighted in making others happy. I’m glad she was able to do and see so much and share herself with all of us. I am blessed having known her.

Love & hugs, Aleli

she trucked no bs

the thing about denise that i admired so much, aside from her vibrancy and her openess to all new things, her love of people and her readiness to help whomever might need help, was that she put up with absolutely no bs from anyone. whether it was her friends trying to pull a fast one, a loved one fooling themselves, a club owner trying to jerk the entertainment around, or simply a snotty hotel desk clerk, denise never let anybody get away with any crap. she kept everybody around her honest. she was not afraid to speak her mind. to those that didn't know her, she might have seemed like a pain in the butt. however, to those that did know her, she definitely was a pain in the butt. but the kind of pain that made people aware of their own dissembling, their own selfish hypocrisy, their own load of crap that had nothing to do with reality and everything to do with their own petty agendas.

denise was so full of life, and nothing ever got her down. she was tireless in her quest for living, and for seeing as much of the world as humanly possible. she did more things in a year than i will do in my whole lifetime. i miss her so much. the world is much darker today without her.

as sira said below, we have both seen so many wonderful places in this world because of denise, either with her and joe, or upon her suggestion. she was indispensable as a tour guide, and irreplacable as a friend.

i found a pic of her, me, and mike bossier doing improv at spaghetti jam back when we were young a million years ago...


we love you so much denise.

We all have such fond memories of Denise. Jimmy and I remember her as a vibrant caring woman with a beautiful smile and an incredibly loving wife to my brother. But the thing we will remember most and miss the most are her hugs.
Love forever, Mary and Jimmy

Denise

Denise was the best actress I ever worked with. I never knew whether she was really crying. Denise was also my big sister, mother substitute and conscience.
When I was recently homeless and destitute she made sure to lend me more money than I needed at a crucial time. I'm sure Joe had something to do with it. She offered, I didn't ask.
In Schwienfurt Germany in '86, the Pros From Dover lined up laundry in hand while Denise washed the clothes in the hotel room sink. Our clothes were dirty and she didn't trust us to wash them ourselves.
Late '70's - Denise threw me over her shoulder (I weighed about 190) and ran off the stage, as scripted, head first into a pillar offstage. She calmly backed up, put me down, and went on with the show. I went to a show I produced at that venue last week, and Denise went with me. She spent many hours on that stage and made it a better place, I am very grateful to have shared some time with her.
- Rodney Sheriff

The Love of the Land

The beauty of the landscape in Yosemite, the hypnotic arid air of Death Valley, the wonderous aspens around Spooner Lake and Lake Tahoe, the dark caves in Pinnacles Nat'l Park -- I experienced all this with Denise and because of Denise. She helped me get to Yosemite for my honeymoon - she stayed on the telephone for over 5 hours to get me a reservation for Memorial Day weekend 1984 - when I got married. Other times the four of us Shark, Denise, Gil & I traveled to the national parks - we relied on Denise to figure out which were the best hiking trails, swimming holes, where to stay, when to go. We always had a blast. We went so many place together, enjoyed so many meals, like lobster tacos in Puerto Nuevo, Mexico, checked into so many hotels. Denise will always be with me because she opened my eyes to so much of the western landscape. Whenever I'm roaming, I'll be seeing her and she'll be whispering in my ear - "O look at that" And we'll be admiring the flowers together.
Denise you've made a huge impression on me and there is always a part of you that lives on with me.
Friendship - that's what we have.
Sira Windwer

My sister-in-law,my friend

Back in April of1996, Dan and I visited Joe and Denise for a few days at the beginning of our 2 week,first-time visit to California. We had a wonderful time....Denise and Joe walked our tootsies off ....up and down every hill in San Fran...we ate in, we ate out, we slept on the Murphy bed,we took the ferry out to Alcatraz!!!!... my refrigerator magnet still holds it's place of honor!...and then when we came home that night, we rented the movie Alcatraz ....spotted a whale off Point Reyes....ate in a favorite seafood restaurant of Denise's.....we spent the day at Muir Woods,among the redwoods ...Denise made sure we did everything...even spent time at the wharf, watching the seals.....we had a really good time....but the best thing Denise did for us was to re-route our itinerary...our plan was to drive down the coast, sightseeing along the way, eventually making our way to San Diego....but Denise was beside herself when she found out we weren't going to stop at Yosemite Nat'l Park....it didn't matter that it was a 4 hr detour, in the opposite direction of where we were heading! She picked up the phone, and made reservations for us in a cabin (a miracle to get at such short notice....the next day!!!!! )....she told us we wouln't be sorry....and guess what? We were not! We found ourselves in a little log cabin at the base of El Capitan!!! It was magnificent,awesome, and incredible! Yosemite took our breath away, and opened up a world we never knew! Spending those few days there sowed the seeds of adventure for Dan and I......Thank you, Denise, for showing us how to think out of the box! And thank you for diplomatically (not!)...pointing out how we had overpacked....another good lesson learned!
Dan and I always cherished that time we spent with you! And all the other good times, as well! I miss you already, dear friend, your vibrant spirit was amazing! You always made us feel important to you. You faced your death as you faced your life....with grace and courage. In our last conversation, you told me ..." I have had a great life, I have done all that I wanted, I have had a good husband,family and friends....." and then in the spirit that was so Denise, she then said "Enough about me, how are those boys?"
I will miss you!
love,
Maureen( Sharkey)

The Naked Waitress

THE NAKED WAITRESS: She was bold, sassy, confident, very funny and very loving. During the time we worked together, she made me laugh...............all the time! She was full of stories. One of my favorites was of a "waiter's nightmare". In her dream or nightmare, of sorts, she was working at HART'S. The restaurant was quite large, two floors and every table was full, and she was alone. Oh yes, and she was naked! One would think that might be a problem, but, oh no, not for Denise. Her only problem was........."where do I put my pens????" How life changes in the blink of an eye. Here today, gone tomorrow. How fragile we all are. I'll miss you, Denise. You and Bob get the restaurant ready. I'll be there is due time.

Love,

Susi
March 12th, 2008

Thank You

It was many years ago and a land far away that Denise and I stumbled onto 149 Powell Street and a place called Improvisation Inc. It was a workshop that was an offshoot of the Committee and a weeks full of classes and weekend performances cost us 5 bucks. It was there I first met Denise. Out of this workshop came a producer, who put Denise, myself and two others in a show named the Garrett, at the old Committee Theatre. We were stunned that anything could come of something so fun. We had dreams of glory in our eyes and with the passage of time, those dreams never faded or dimmed. The adventures began at that small workshop and they took us to many wondrous places. With Denise I have spent many years and traveled many miles. We shared many days and nights of laughter and joy and although time and space passed between us, the connection was instant, the times were crystallized. Thank you for sharing your time, your smile. Thank you for all the memories I have of you and the person you helped me become. Michael Bossier

Thank you Aunt Denise! Thank you Uncle Joe!

Thank you Aunt Denise! for being such a fun part of our family!

My wife Traci and I were blessed to experience hanging out with Uncle Joe and Aunt Denise. When we saw them we were always greeted (attacked) with an Aunt Denise hug. She would then reference the previous year's Christmas card and tell us how beautiful our children were. I feel an emptiness and I am so sorry that we weren't able to have our children see her more to enjoy her laughter, happiness and beauty. I can only hope that as their lives go on, they get the chance to meet and enjoy someone like Aunt Denise. She will always be remembered! For bringing this incredible woman that is so special into our lives, thank you Uncle Joe!

With all our love,
Your Nephew Richie and Family: Traci, Rich Jr., Sara, Sean & Ryan

My friend Denise

Good bye my dear friend Denise. I'll try not to be maudlin knowing it would irritate the hell out of you but you know damn well I'll miss you terribly. Who else is going to say immediately and in a loud voice what the rest of us are thinking? Maybe you were born with a silver foot in your mouth but your absolute bewilderment at the ignorance, incompetence and especially the small mindedness of others could only be marveled at out loud. I can say there were times when even I was taken aback by your astonishing candor but that vulnerability that you were loath to admit always shown through to reveal the kindest and warmest of hearts beneath your outraged scorn. I also have to say that to be honored by one's piers in the hard scrabble restaurant business is the greatest gift and to return that gift to one you admire is a rare pact of friendship indeed. I felt we shared that pleasure. And speaking of pleasure, I gotta say that whenever I was around you, I felt that there was a real joy that radiated from you. I felt that the last time we saw each other last summer when you showed me around the woman's club you managed, especially when you showed me your office, the wonderful light filled library.

There's much more for me to say and it will come out slowly as I realize you're gone. I'm sure you'll continue to have plenty to say and I just want to add that in spite of your brilliance and wit, there were a couple of times when even you were left speechless. Do you remember the time when Deborah came up to you during a lull at the lunch shift at Harpoon Louis' and said "My God! Your feet are HUGE!"

Oh, and one more thing. Since you ALWAYS have to have the last word:

I'll be seein' ya.

Rick

Denise had a beautiful, purposeful walk

I liked Denise from the moment I met her, but I really grew to love her when we started hiking together. I was unemployed and she and Joey had just started their retirement so we had the beautiful Bay Area that Denise loved and knew so well as our own personal playground. To Bass Lake or Point Reyes or down the peninsula, through forests, on beaches, along the bluffs we'd ramble and talk…and talk…and talk. The comics in the newspaper, old movies, wild flowers, Broadway and Europe, books, The New Yorker, history, language, and also love and life and death and everything between, Denise's world was so filled with passion for beauty and ideas and people that we could have spent a thousand thousand days walking and never wanted for topics or for laughs. Those were long, magical, crystal, sun-washed, stolen days that will rank among the best I ever hope to have.

A few years back I told Denise that I'd met a woman I liked and I was thinking of asking her on a date. "Take her hiking," Denise told me, "and bring sandwiches." I did. My wife of 4+ years now, Leah joined our hikes and we found we functioned as well a quartet as we had as a trio. We soon became the beneficiary of Denise's legendary love of and prowess for travel. We met up in a little Umbrian hill town called Spello. Denise booked a wonderful vacation house where we settled in for a solid week of Italian bliss. The rhythm of those days was so pure: drinking coffee in the mornings, venturing out for the Herald Tribune and sharing one crossword puzzle among us, marching all over Italy (Denise had a beautiful, purposeful walk), 20 miles in one day, eating ice cream, playing cards in the evenings and right on down the line down to the last detail. We have a picture on our mantel I've been looking at nearly every day of Joe and Denise and Leah and I eating dinner there and all looking wonderfully happy.

Less than a year ago (seems like such a short time now) we met up with Joe and Denise in NY to see a few shows and then spend time on the Jersey Shore. When we finally reached the hotel in Manhattan (Leah 6 months pregnant, hot and tired) Denise sprung into action and was a blur. She had snacks for us and fruit and bagels for breakfast the next day and were we o.k. and here's where to go if we needed anything and could she do anything for us and a hundred little tips and things to make us feel welcome and comfortable in the home away from home she'd picked out for all of us. That was Denise.

She was gracious, classy, generous, loving, kind, fascinating, witty, sophisticated, beautifully mannered, reverent, irreverent, funny, intelligent, curious, and hungry for experience and for life and for the good in life.

I was so flattered that Denise took me as a friend. I looked up to her and I thought the world of her. Whether it was the Chinese New Year's treasure hunt, the lighting of the Christmas trees on Nob Hill, a poker party, standing on a midtown street corner dissecting a play we'd just seen or goofing off playing Boggle and catching Jeopardy, I've always treasured my time with her and with Joe as something special. I find myself sitting here sifting through so many vivid memories and hearing echoes of conversations, hearing her voice and feeling a tremendous sense of loss and sadness that my friend is gone. I learned so much from her about life and about how to be happy. I miss her.

- Brady Bellis

Neighbors for years, but only got to know Denise & Joe recently...playing games and pool parties in Mill Valley...we were born the same year, along with that great Chevy...an immediate connection and an impression that will last forever in my heart....laughter the key to her earthly life...and I'm sure she has the Angels rollin' in the clouds.

Kathy Stefano

One of a Kind

Although we had spent time with Denise and Shark in Philadelphia, New York, the Jersey Shore and San Francisco, including attendance at The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde which could strain any relationship, we had our first “vacation” together in March 2003. Denise & Shark drove from San Francisco via Phoenix, New Orleans and several national parks and we flew from Philadelphia to Clearwater, FL. Denise found a great 2-bedroom, 2-bath apartment at the Parker Manor in Clearwater Beach. One on the highlights of that trip happened on Monday March 17th. We awoke to find the living room transformed; there were shamrocks and leprechauns everywhere and, of course, The Quiet Man on TV. Denise had even baked Irish Soda Bread. She schlepped the decorations and ingredients cross country all for her love, her Shark, to celebrate his 54th birthday. It was truly a memorable vacation.

When we think of Denise, many words come to mind including warm, smart, funny, efficient. However, in our opinion, the one that describes her best is “generous.” She was generous with her ideas, her opinions, her time and her laughter. But most of all, she was generous with her love. From the first time we met her more than 25 years ago to the last time we were together in June, she always made us feel that we were important. We regret that we did not get to spend more time together but will treasure the wonderful times we shared and remember her with greatest affection. Thank you, Shark, for giving us the opportunity to know Denise and for sharing her with us and all your East Coast family and friends.

Mary and Kell

A Real Sweetie

Though she and Uncle Joe didn’t get to see us often here in Philly, Aunt Denise liked to keep up with things. She asked for, and usually received, pictures of our boys in their Christmas card every year, because she liked to keep them on the fridge. When we did see each other, she would take my face in her hands and tell me how lovely I was or some other sweet phrase. I smile to remember her, years ago, saying that I dare not call her “aunt” since I was only eight years younger than she was. So sometimes I did, and sometimes I didn’t, but the love and respect for a great lady was always there. She will be missed.

- Maureen Macomber